The Divine Dance

2012-01-26T23:38:00.002+08:00

Marriage Blues

i never expected to have such serious marriage blues 4 months before D-day.
If i had a choice, i would make a u-turn. It's getting way too difficult, being caught all in the middle of someone else's pain when you yourself have tons more pain to deal with.

This is what happens when someone else tries to play the good guy and try not to offend both parties. You end up offending all parties, and create a bigger problem because of the things you avoided doing.

There are alot of wordsto describe me now...

Irritable, confused, frustrated, regretful, hopeful and very disappointed.

2012-01-26T23:38:00.000+08:00

Marriage Blues

2011-09-05T00:09:00.003+08:00

Many nights we prayed, with no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song, we barely understood
Now we are not afraid, although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long before we knew we could.......

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles, you can achieve,
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear, when prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds, too swiftly flown away
Yet now i'm standing here, my heart so full i can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words, i'd never thought i'd say....

i'd never thought that this song would be the cry of my heart today..
When you believe, when i believe, when we believe....
The miracle.
Will it really happen?
Sometimes it just takes an act of faith, to turn and walk 180 degrees away from it.
Who will do this...?
You or me?

2011-07-11T00:56:00.002+08:00

If i had known...how different would this story be?

2011-07-09T01:20:00.000+08:00

i need a break amidst all these.
Someone...take me away...

2011-07-07T23:54:00.004+08:00

When i saw your website, my heart skipped a beat. I thought to myself..."this is it.."but i really don't know..and i can only pray that something will work out.

Meanwhile, i've been thrown weights left right centre. So much expectations, so little time. Neverending pains come in abundance. But the important things in life will always remain important, for as long as they are deemed -important.

Oh God, give me strength..... only you know - i'm about to collapse.

2011-07-02T02:10:00.003+08:00

The count down starts now.

2011-06-11T01:21:00.002+08:00

i don't usually describe myself very well...but lately i find myself having to verbalise why i do the things i do, why i think the way i think, why i say the things i say. Today i discovered that my character and belief systems really have a deep effect on the way i function and does affect another person, positively, or negatively.

Iron-sharpens-iron. Press on, Na.

2011-06-05T01:51:00.002+08:00

Was a great conversation we had, so different whenever it's just both of us vs other people we know. No one else knows, but i do.

2011-06-04T01:11:00.002+08:00

"i'm giving You my heart
And all that is within
i'm laying it all down
For the sake of You my King
i'm giving You my dreams
i'm laying down my rights
i'm giving up my pride
For the promise of new life

i'm singing You this song
i'm waiting at the cross
And all the world holds dear
i count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You
The glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy
In sharing in Your pain"

How long more, Lord......................?

2011-04-20T23:28:00.003+08:00

Dear P,

You have been visiting me rather often, abeit too regular. You're now my closest friend.

Just yesterday, you visited me twice - a papercut, and another deep stabbed wound in the evening. Today, you visited me in the form of blisters and the pain is indescribable.

I've grown accustomed to you and you can continue to stay around, for as long as i can bear.

2011-04-19T23:49:00.003+08:00

Yes, finally today i've articulated that truth. The truth is, i can't verbalise pain.

All my life, i grew up with pain. Words that pierce, actions that scar, friends that betray, love ones that makes your wounded heart bleed repeatedly...

But yet, if all these will take me to that place where there is no more pain, a place of refuge and security, i will endure.

2011-04-03T22:24:00.002+08:00

God:

Everything happened when i least expected it..

And when i trusted you, i was tested again and again..bit by bit..

Each day, i asked you if this was it..

But you repeatedly told me to hold on to it..

And now, it is time to make a decision..

My faith - that elephant faith - a juxtaposition..

Though i know you will not put me thru more than i can bear..

i trust i will fail, if you continue to see how i will fare.

2011-04-03T00:27:00.001+08:00

背对着背偷偷的流泪谁都害怕看谁的脸

静静回忆追逐这些年每一个爱的画面好美

背贴着背沉默中无言迷恋的你万念俱灰

当我转身想吻你的泪你却推开安慰

心伤心痛不痛爱掏空情失控

忘了听你想说什么少了沟通变苦衷

心伤心痛不痛爱放纵情放手

忘了问你想要什么若给的起我都承受

走到门口我还你自由泪在闪烁心在颤抖

爱情原来经不起犯错扛不动回忆太重寂寞太浓

真的好痛。。。。。。

2011-03-14T00:04:00.001+08:00

Who can feel the pain like the way i do....
Where is my trust..?
i wish i knew the story from beginning to end...
My time will be up soon.

2011-02-02T00:04:00.002+08:00

i have so much to say....my spirit is groaning.
That book is now my best friend.

2011-01-31T00:25:00.002+08:00

Where was God in all these...?

2011-01-25T00:32:00.002+08:00

What breaks me....?
That pain which is so familiar. Welcome back again to my life.
Where do i go from here?
i see no path before me, i can only tread on the unknown.
Will this story have the same ending?

2010-12-29T23:24:00.002+08:00

It is one of the days that i'm feeling emo....

i miss homecooked food. i wish i can come home to a house, which doesn't have everything broken down...Looking at Clara and Caryn, they just make life seem so happy and simple.

Trust and Faith. Oh God, give me double portion please. As i peek into the new year, i know i'm far from ready to face it. It's gonna be another year of iron-sharpen-iron for me. And it'll be a year of many changes.

Make it or break it.

2010-12-09T08:39:00.002+08:00

不懂

己经好远了

退也有一点累了

我们都不知道路有多远

走到何时才歇一歇

不如就现在吧

让我们都停下

但是在休息后

我们还不知道继续走的理由

雨都停了

天都亮了我们还不懂

这爱情路究竟带我们到什么地方

是要持续仍旧珍惜

还是回到原地如今此刻的我

的确是有一点疲倦

2010-11-06T23:57:00.001+08:00

It's time to get some serious diary-ing work done - Blog no longer fulfills its purpose.

2010-10-17T23:33:00.002+08:00

i need to manage my emotions.
i wish i was .............. again.
A hurt person is really destructive.

2010-10-08T00:57:00.002+08:00

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet....and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105

When i am afraid
And think i've lost my way
Still You're there beside me
Nothing will i fear
As long as You are near
Please be near me to the end

i will not forget
Your love for me and yet
My heart if forever wandering
Jesus be my guide
And hold me to Your side
And i will love You to the end

Nothing will i fear
As long as You are near
Please be near me to the end

2010-10-03T01:39:00.003+08:00

Sigh.

What you do, can hurt.
What you don't do, can also hurt.

Who can be more confused? Such, is the reality esp when you have opened your door to vulnerability.

2010-09-30T00:44:00.001+08:00

i feel like a jinx. Everyone who comes into contact with me, will end up breaking something and having to pay to replace it.

Argh, JINX!!!!!

2010-09-24T23:31:00.004+08:00

Tonight, i feel a sense of relief. Because i threw everything down and left the office.
But at the back of my mind, i knew that next week would another week of "facing the music".

So many things, and it's like infinity...And yet, i can't bring myself to get started. WHY.

On a separate note, i love adventures. I'm waiting to be taken on that road-to-nowhere.

2010-09-15T08:54:00.002+08:00

i want to be strong.............

In life, the greatest strength is forged in broken places. In dealing with difficult people, God is not committed to our comfort. God is committed to creating His character within us. One way He accomplishes that goal is through the abrasive and coarse work of sandpaper people as they grind off and sand away our rough edges, even to the point of breaking.

Suffering comes in many ways, but always with the purpose of making us strong enough to endure pain and weak enough to rely upon God. Many times, it is through difficult relationships that we experience the most pain. Every time we are broken but allow God to do the mending, we become stronger and new life is provided.

2010-09-07T17:20:00.005+08:00

This devotion came aptly when i was reflecting upon God's blessings upon P's life today. i was reminded that GOD is so real and He could give whatever he wanted to, including the material things which we always think as taboo - as long as these blessings are used in a way which brings Himself glory.

And yes, it's been a humbling journey all these years, to cope with so much pain and
yet find adequate strength to fight on.

No blessing is too small, and i am eternally grateful.

--------
The Blessings of Inadequacy

2 Corinthians 3:4-6

Life is filled with struggles that reveal human inadequacy. Physical problems leave us weak and unable to cope, relational troubles bring confusion and stress, continual battles with bad habits and addictions make us feel defeated, and financial or job demands damage our self-worth.

No one likes the frustration and fear of facing challenges which are too big to handle, but God can use them for our good. Maybe you have never considered inadequacy a blessing. After all, it arouses all sorts of uncomfortable emotions that make us feel useless, insignificant, and weak. But God can turn all the negatives into blessings if we acknowledge our helplessness, depend on His strength, and step into our challenges with confidence in Him.

Inadequacy can be a blessing since it . . .
1. Drives us to God as we recognize our helplessness.
2. Relieves us of the burden of trying to do God's will in our own strength.
3. Motivates us to live in the power of the Holy Spirit.
4. Provides the Lord an opportunity to demonstrate what He can do.
5. Increases our usefulness to God by humbling our pride.
6. Allows Christ to receive all the glory.
7. Gives peace as we rely on Him.

Through the power of the Holy Spirit, believers have the ability to endure difficulty or accomplish whatever the Lord calls them to do. By claiming the adequacy of Christ, we can face every circumstance with a sense of awesome confidence, not in ourselves but in God, who is totally capable.

2010-08-30T23:20:00.004+08:00

记得...

谁还记得是谁先说
永远的爱我
以前的一句话
是我们以后的伤口
过了太久没人记得
当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手
说要一起走到最后

我们都忘了
这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的
有一天有一天都会停的
让时间说真话
虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后
我们都不知道会不会有遗憾

我们都累了却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑怎么说
怎么说都没有救　
亲爱的为什么
也许你也不懂　
两个相爱的人
等对方先说找分开的理由　

谁还记得爱情开始
变化的时候　
我和你的眼中
看见了不同的天空　
走的太远终于走到
分岔路的路口　
是不是你和我
要有两个相反的梦　

我和你手牵手说要一起走到最后...

Remembering the past... embracing the future.

2010-08-29T22:18:00.001+08:00

The new week is here.

I'm so looking forward to my OFF DAY.

2010-08-25T09:01:00.003+08:00

The Diva arrives this friday. All the best to me. This event reminded me that we can be the the most secured planners but without due reliance on the ONE up there, things can still cock up at the very last minute.

Same goes for every other aspect of life.

The countdown starts today.....

2010-08-20T22:11:00.000+08:00

When u wonder how much ur loved, the human faith wavers,

But still there is someone unconditional up there whom you know you can always count on.

When things get too conditional, it becomes scary.

2010-08-10T16:44:00.002+08:00

Watched December Rains last friday. Musical was soso, but Kit Chan's voice and the songs saved the day.

My personal favourite - dedicated to you.

我終於看到 (December Rains)

我想着清楚的
我演着最美的
就这样一直逃避
生命给我最真的
我恨着爱过的
我放着拥有的
春天池干谈叶落
秋天花竟还开着

一个人　
我为了错过　
等待着什么
有个人　
他为了等待　
错过了最珍贵的什么

我终于看到他。。。的好
我终于看到是谁对我那么的重要
我总在眺望着那些天荒和地老
却一直没听到
身边他的心跳
我终于看到他。。。的好
我终于看到那明天在对我微笑
但我不再将那残缺的梦紧紧抱
我开始看得到　
天慢慢的清凉
我终于看得到

我剩下现在了　
我现在清楚了
我决定不再逃避
生命给我最真的
爱不是为了恨　
爱原来是承认
花不枯等春天
只需要像花的人

一个人　
我为了错过　
等待着什么
有个人　
他为了等待　
错过了最珍贵的什么

我终于看到他。。。的好
我终于看到是谁对我那么的重要
我总在眺望着那些天荒和地老
却一直没听到身边他的心跳

我终于看到他。。。的好
我终于看到那明天在对我微笑
但我不再将那残缺的梦紧紧抱
我开始看得到　
天慢慢的清凉
我终于看得到
我看到他的好。。。

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2COGRkJPej8

2010-08-05T17:52:00.005+08:00

Appraisal with RO is over. Have decided to give STB a miss. I've just so many things to work on and it just isn't time to leave.

That being said, i'm looking forward to another 5 months of very very hard work. There are some things which are in your control, but more things which aren't. I'll just aim to be valuable and take pride in what i deliver.

Where is God in all these? - i will be still, know You are God....

2010-08-04T23:10:00.003+08:00

He's back - i wish i can rewind my clock to 2 weeks ago. This officially marks the end of my space - both mental and physical.

Haven't been sleeping well the past 2 days, this happens when you have 3 other siblings sharing the room with you. 彼此彼此, coz i disturb my sister as well when i have to move around in the dark.......

2010-08-03T12:36:00.002+08:00

When it hurts, you know it matters. A new journey of iron-sharpen-iron, and another test of my security.

2010-07-26T18:09:00.001+08:00

............and today, i finally know the outcome of the accident.

Fatal. :(

2010-07-21T08:49:00.004+08:00

The Accident - MICA Building

Coming face to face with an already-happened accident with a badly charred motorcycle right before your eyes, it was a little too much to stomach early in the morning.

As i stood there for a good 15 min to watch the police investigate the cause of the accident and gather clues, i whispered a short prayer for the motorcyclist (who could have died) and the lorry bangla driver and workers.

My colleague said, it might have been the Uncle that delivers newspapers to MICA every morning. I'm not sure, but each time i cross the road, i'd probably have this scene etched in my head.

May God's hand be upon these pple, and may His name be known one day to them.

2010-07-15T08:42:00.002+08:00

With all i am....全然為你

我將生命交在你手中
獻上一切給你主
我的世界
全在你手裡
我屬於你到永遠

耶穌我心相信你
耶穌我心屬於你
活著全都為了你
歌唱也為了你
全然為你

與你同行到天涯海角
不論悲喜我信靠你
主我願意活出你旨意
活出你應許到永遠

主我敬拜主我敬拜你

2010-07-06T00:21:00.003+08:00

"I will not offer to the Lord an offering that costs me nothing.........." - A decision which today i finally came face-to-face with.

It's a long short-journey. But i shall finish this well and you shall then be very proud of me.

2010-07-02T10:25:00.003+08:00

ET: So....what do you love abt me?

i love your character
looks hard on the outside
but warm & tender on the inside
i love your cheekyness
your sense of humor
though sometimes you can be quite a terror
which I'm already used to

Heee =)

2010-07-01T22:59:00.002+08:00

The more i think..the more i fear...Surely the desire to be a good testimony and a source of encouragement would push me out to put my life on that line?

Someone once said, "he hoped he made the right decision", he also said, "being with her helped him understand better what he really wants.." - well, in fact he hasn't got a clue.

Well, i guess my show will end pretty soon. It's not that complicated after all. Because of God's redemptive love, i let you off, easily. All the best to you.

2010-06-13T23:08:00.002+08:00

A simple encouragement that i read in my mailbox this evening...

To two of my faithful brothers..
"Both 'you' and 'you' have wonderful wives who do not stand in God's way nor to their husbands' passion and they take care of their household well."

i envy you guys. But i hope i'll be worthy of this statement when my time comes.

2010-05-09T01:11:00.002+08:00

3 months have passed. Finally revived this blog again.

Yes, returned here as the title of the blog speaks exactly of what i desire my life to be - A Divine Dance. And each time i dance literally, i feel like it's a surrender of my wholebeing. Today we were asked the question, "Why do we want to dance?" Well, easy to share that passion and love for dance, but there's just so much more to the word - dance.

"Cry out to Jesus" - i never dreamt that i'd make it in this dance given my poor techniques and inabilities to execute. But God knew. And i overcomed.

i've experienced the pains of life, the unbearable physical pain of kneeling, but when u start doing that divine dance, all fades.

Cry out to Jesus

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith and love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

When your lonely (when you're lonely)
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

2010-02-15T00:51:00.001+08:00

A word He spoke to me, and through me....

----------------

God Hath Not Promised

God hath not promised skies always blue,
Flower strewn pathways all our lives through

God hath not promised sun without rain
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God hath promised strength for the day
Rest for the labour, light for the way
Grace for the trials, help from above
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

2010-01-31T20:46:00.005+08:00

Wow, it's been ages i visited this blog. And now blog is visited only when i'm exceedingly happy...... or sad...... I hope no one will read my blog anymore...coz it's time to turn it into my release pool.

The feeling today sucks again, and i recalled those heart-wrenching moments last year. It was a good 15 min of release - in the bath.

2009-11-18T08:44:00.002+08:00

i must learn this, i will learn this...when the time comes......and this includes an important choice.....

People are more important than things. If we love people, God can replace things; but if we love things excessively, we may lose people who cannot be replaced.

2009-11-14T01:20:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time that i felt like this - liberated - for a while.

Today my mood was so bad. My soul was feeling so empty. Spirit down...Though every morning i spend time reading God's word, and this morning was on 'love', i felt i couldn't really identify completely as i wanted to. i was struggling with whatever and whoever was ard me.

Today's lunch was bad, i was so down, i couldn't even make up my mind what kind of comfort dessert i wanted to eat - fickle between yoghurt and ice cream. i had to stand in front of the ice cream stall for 1 min b4 deciding whether to eat. Sat down, pulled the longest face, and started eating my ice cream cone. Thank God for a colleague whom we're both more comfortable with dealing with each other's moods. i could just sit there be quiet, and just whine abt nothing, just abt how sian i was feeling. She said it felt like Monday blues, though it was Fri.

Today i attended a 2-hr worship seminar by Chris Bowater. Before this, i was super reluctant, i couldn't imagine how i could have dragged myself there. But i did. Supernatural obedience? i'm glad i did. He's the writer of "Jesus shall take the highest honour". We sang that as the opening song. This is the first worship session ever that i've flowed in so readily and easily. It was amazing.

End of the session, tears began trickling down my face. I knew i needed that breakthrough. i knew God had something for me. i knew that God knew how the core of my heart was feeling. He knew, because only He genuinely bothered........

2009-11-06T08:39:00.003+08:00

Don't ever say to pple: "God will help those who helps themselves"

Say: "God helps those who know they cannot help themselves, those who realize they are totally dependent upon HIm for their deliverance"

If you can help yourself, you don't really need God, right?

2009-10-05T23:39:00.003+08:00

Yes, more and more pple know that i'm gg for class, oh well it's not meant to be a secret. I should be proud, coz i'm spending so much money. I'm giving myself at least 6 months to master at least the first level playing, taking into consideration i practise only once a wk (during lesson).

Bosses all not ard this month, but life goes on. i just hope the day will come where God's light will shine on my face and i can confidently start my coffee talks with colleagues. It's all abt experience and being here long enough here. Today i read a very interesting article which says:

Survey shows civil servants happier compared to those in private sector

SINGAPORE : Employees working for the government are happier than those in the private sector. This is according to an online survey conducted by JobsCentral, one of Singapore’s largest job portals. Civil servants scored 58.5 on the JobsCentral Work Happiness Indicator, higher than the average score of 55.9 for employees in the private sector. A score of 50 indicates that an employee feels neutral about his work happiness, and a full score of 100 will mean that he is very happy.

Chief executive officer of JobsCentral, Lim Der Shing, said the result was not surprising.
He said the civil service in Singapore is well—run and has rather progressive human resource policies in place. Employees in education/training have emerged as the happiest, followed by those in public relations and consulting.

As for industry, employees in the arts, entertainment and recreation industry are the happiest. — CNA/ms

i'm beginning to wonder if i've chosen the right place, though as of now, i don't have the confidence,all of a sudden, i feel like gg back to private home teaching. Argh, fickle me! Grass is always greener on the other side.

I'm planning to go on a long road trip next dec. It WILL be long, i promise. Amount to save up for trips in 2010: $9000. Well done to myself....

2009-09-29T23:58:00.002+08:00

Today i went for my medical review. Doctor says for the 2nd time he suspects "it" is it. Hence i've been referred to NHC. All the best to myself, i hope "it" isn't it. Anyway, i'm happy today, as of tmr life will resume back as per normal today. 6 days - well done to myself. i think i fared pretty well. For that i deserve dinner treats all the way till the end of the week...

2009-09-18T09:40:00.003+08:00

This really touched the core of my heart deeply....

The Power of Your Name - Lincoln Brewster

Surely children weren't made for the streets
And fathers were not made to leave
Surely this isn't how it should be
Let Your Kingdom come

Surely nations were not made for war
Or the broken meant to be ignored
Surely this just can't be what You saw
Let Your Kingdom come
Here in my heart

I will live
To carry Your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your name

Surely life wasn't made to regret
And the lost were not made to forget
Surely faith without action is dead
Let Your Kingdom come
Lord break this heart

Your name
Is a shelter for the hurting
Jesus Your name
Is a refuge for the weak
Only Your name
Can redeem the undeserving
Jesus Your name
Holds everything I need

2009-09-02T00:30:00.003+08:00

Recently, i've been thinking abt that place. i so honestly want to quit. The pple in there are all dead. I see myself dead too. Honestly, this year has made me dislike serving there, big time. No more the joy...

i ask myself, what am i created to do?

Their wedding is coming up! But i have my competitions on both days. Now i need to find some WAY to get out of the stupid competitions. Just 2 hrs "off" will do me alot of help!

Today's prayer mtg was fun. i made a new friend (wahaha) and i enjoyed my late supper dinner. Was a great conversation, yesterday and today, once again, we were connecting.

2009-08-23T00:21:00.002+08:00

Rattle, Rattle, Rattle.
Work has been stressful but at least i don't get angry at work everyday now. But everyday i look at the wall, and the wall looks at me. We don't really smile at each other, and the only thing i can do really is to try connect with the outside world thru the computer.

i don't wish for anything more, or anything better, but i know i should just bite the bullet, coz i know i'll be so impressed with myself when i master all those things.

Yes, this post is so random.

2009-08-14T15:31:00.000+08:00

THE PEARL

In every oyster there lies the ability
To produce something rare
Truth like a grain of sand will produce
The pearl that is hidden there

Young woman you are often mocked and scorned
And told you never should have been born
You want to run away, to hide your hurt
Your heart is wounded, bleeding and torn

God makes not mistakes
Every life is special
Every life is planned
Seeds can sprout in sand

Open yourselves up to the Spirit of God
Grow in grace and maturity
Be what He wants you to be
Your beauty your strength lies deep within you

Young woman, young girl
Open yourselves up to God
Allow Him to reveal your pearl.

Sylvia Hannah

2009-07-05T23:38:00.007+08:00

It's been abt 1.5 months now, since i last blogged.

Left my prev sch quite well, in fact, i guess though i'm not quite 'done' with the things there, but my heart is really not there anymore, prob except to ensure that my dear friend's sister finishes up the work well and leaves well. She's really God given and i thank God for her, how He has provided her to help me and also serve the school.

Been in NAC for 3 wks now, on to my 4th wk. Was sharing how i'm working and living by faith now. Work has never been so humbling, esp in my previous work places where i've been doing things which i'm best at. Supposedly, yes, this place should help me serve this purpose well, but not when i'm put in charge of Indian and Malay Music. i have to learn from scratch, and also take myself out of the music i LOVE, to try and immerse myself with music i really DON'T LOVE. To add, all those religious elements honestly don't help at all.

i've not been a very patient young lady these few weeks, and i apologise. Probably with too much over-expectations. But after i look back how you've been really a support to me, and really being the 2nd anchor in my family, i couldn't help but think that that's really all i need at the moment. All disagreements will fade in comparison. It's been hard, especially when pple outside don't really understand, why i hold on so tightly to u...but for those who have been really supportive and encouraging, thank u.

God has been faithful, again and again, i always love to compare, but i now hold my peace, coz i think He's given the world - His best, to me. =)

2009-05-26T23:20:00.003+08:00

I'm proud of myself. i resisted the urge to spend $988 on pedicure. What's best was the monthly installment which i was really not prepared to pay. Oh wells...perhaps i'm poor that's why. Of course if i'm earning $10k a month, it'd be another story.

i really did consider very hard, like for at least 45 whole minutes before i gave up and decided to let this deal go. Yeah, it's one of those places where they tell u again membership is by invitation only, let this go, there's no second chance. OH WELL, i'm sure more of such things will surface.

Have been gg for treatments with special prices recently. How fortunate man. Fits my lifestyle perfectly. Anyway, it's the reccession ya, so take advantage of the cheap deals and save some hard-earned cash.

2 more weeks to go - and i'm outta here. When you can't wait to leave, you know that it's really time to go. My boss's gonna be away for 2 weeks. My dear colleague is also leaving for good, i guess all that i couldn't leave behind will leave together with me. This is God's timng. Couldn't be better.

Going to taiwan for a short shopping spree, make up for lost time in Korea, compliments of a kind soul. Thank You for the sponsorship. You're the best. This sat gonna meet the Korea Peeps. Very Enthusiastic. Probably the first and also the last.

2009-03-02T00:28:00.002+08:00

Hi blog, it's me, it's been a long time, coz i've been lost for words recently.

It hasn't been an easy time at work, but i guess it's a teeny weeny bit better than the end of last year. i've begun to discover myself more over these two years, and i understand that i love to enjoy life. haha.

I came today, to tell u that i'm very upset. Upset till i feel like slapping someone on his face. He said "Human nature causes pple not to want the things that others dun want.." Finally i understand the kind of thoughts he has in his mind. Only pple who has such thoughts will think that other pple will think the same way. Encourage someone else to leave church when u yourself want to leave church? My gosh, ur right, this is your human nature, n guess wat? i'm disappointed. Yes, i've put up with your self-deceiving nature all these years. i wanted to save your face. i guess you couldn't keep it in any longer.

Come on, i'm a girl, stop competing with me, because honestly, i can never think as deeply and as complicated as u.

2008-12-29T00:10:00.003+08:00

Thank God for a new book. It says "A new me". The book cover is really really nice and it's gonna accompany me everyday. i'll prob take more than a year to complete it.

*Thank you for getting me the book, this spiritual gift is just what i need. =)

On a side note, i'm leaving at 6am on tues morning. i wish i never have to come back, honestly.

It's time to make a bd wish soon....i wonder what it'll be....................

2008-12-14T00:39:00.003+08:00

One month ago, i wrote of how 3 of my colleagues has resigned. Last week, i found out that another of my colleague will be leaving. Oh man...i've never been so lonely. The last time that this scene took place was at ACS. The whole world was leaving, and i worked till the point where i really couldn't take it anymore, left by faith, and then was sent another job. Thank God for that.

No, my time isn't up yet. But man, everything there sucks. The management sucks, the pple sucks, the pay sucks (like a million times), the students sucks, which unfortunately makes the work suck too. [*pessimistic air released]

But yet, in this circumstance, i still thank God that i've got a job.

Anyway, 2008 is coming to a close...my "2008" comes to a close only after my student's exam period in Jan.

14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30!

17 days to go...

2008-11-14T13:02:00.002+08:00

It has been a long time, and no, i've not been alright. i haven't been happy. Today finally got a decent chat with mum and she also thinks i should go. But well, eventually i'm the one fighting the battle.

Till today, 3 of my closest colleagues have resigned, all leaving by end of this year. I'm prepared for the day that my boss will also throw in the towel. As i was in all these bitterness and misery, God spoke thru a devotion.....

"Life is much the same. We are often thrust into a daily life of foreign and often frightening worlds, shaky circumstances, and impossible trials with no obvious way of escape. It seems like we will never get home and our world will never be right again. "

God says to never give up, till we're back home with Him, in that safe place.

2008-10-08T00:29:00.002+08:00

i'm so going to start killing pple in my office. RAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! What kind of stupid attitude man....just because one is a teacher, and she's so high up there, she can't bend low to serve other teachers, my goodness!!!!!!! Another one, just put things on my table, expecting me to know what i need to do, and so what if i know, is this the blinking kind of respect u give, when u need helppppppppppppppppppp????

Enough is enough, i've held patience far too long. Turn u all into ugly toads!!!!

2008-10-03T10:07:00.002+08:00

I guess God has spoken. He's gone. My ideal image of my partner is gone, yet again. GONE GONE GONE WITH THE WIND. And i knew this day will come, when i prayed 3 days ago, for God to show me CLEARLY. It's clear enough, thanks.

2008-09-27T10:25:00.003+08:00

Haven't been at my personal peak at all recently, and everything is diming ard me. But at least i can say is that i'm still depending on God to lead me thru each day of my life, because i dunno what will come for me "the-tomorrow" of everyday.

Recently, i just felt like quitting again, yeah, all that thoughts abt feeling used and being exploited came in again, in the reality, am i really being exploited? i just try to do my best each day that energy can find me. i've no struggles with doing the work that i have, but i have problems switching off my running motor at the end of the day which has been running at 150km/hr each day.

Recently, some kind soul asked if i was interested in a job elsewhere, pays better, so much nearer for me, def lesser work, and at least some sort of structure has already been put into place. Wow, that shook me. (and my boss when i told her abt it)

Anyway, till another temptation comes for me, i'm still gg to give my best, and i believe God is good. Now, BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!

i can't wait for tues to come, and then nov, and then dec.....

2008-09-11T01:26:00.002+08:00

Very frustrated recently, hate to feel this way..but i guess God is breaking me again when it gets too comfortable.

First, i've to thank God for providing and rewarding.

But amidst all those, difficult pple in office has just triggered my nerves and it's really hard these days to tolerate these pple who are simply uncooperative. Besides that, boss has attached two useless administrators to help me, which is a total waste of time coz i end up having to check on them and cleaning up after them.

My new job designation: Rebuilder in the school...ok, it's interesting how this came abt after coming in contact with this word for the past 2 yrs, rebuilding my life, and now rebuilding my school. Whatever.

2008-08-20T09:04:00.002+08:00

My Conclusion: Surviving without Jesus? Don't try...

Faith can keep life's pressures from overwhelming you. Faith cuts through all the worldly influences you take in each day and reminds you of what you really need. Faith in Jesus can help you keep it together when everything is falling apart. There's no substitute. Faith in Him is what saves your soul, heals you heart, and moves the mountains that seem so overwhelming, When you suffer loss, turn in faith to Jesus. His heart will reach out to you.

Thank you Lord.

2008-08-06T22:44:00.003+08:00

Blogging, because i finally have some free time at home...

This wk is my supposedly final wk before my deadline. It's mid-week, and i'm not making a lot of progress, i'm still 50% away from being done. Not counting the other responsibilities of planning for upcoming and ongoing events, doing miscellaneous stuff, co-ordinating making of new marketing materials, maintaining a website, and answering enquiries of new students. There's really just so much i can conquer a day.

But yet, there are things as i recall, to be thankful for:

1. Thank God for the 2 times that the whole office could go out to eat, last friday and today (leisure park). It's really too gd to be true, when we don't have to "xi sen" someone to guard the fort. PW's leaving, so i guess we're really counting down to having such days.

2. Thank God for improving my r/s with colleagues, i've been working hard on this, thank God for giving me colleagues that i can love, despite how boring they can get at times...

3. Yesterday, a group from Si Chuan came over to my school to use our place for their small competition. As we were walking back to my office, the group leader said really very nice things to me, for my ears only, and to be committed to memory. I've never had someone say such sincere things to me b4, so i was truly encouraged. It was certainly God's way of loving me.

4. Thank God for giving me my periodic getaways, it may seem like alot and frequent to some, but they don't really know how much these getaways do for me. They just work differently for me than u.

Today i was reading my devotion on friendship. Esp after a day's work, i hardly have any extra energy to give. But i thank God for pple who are willing to sit, have a meal with me, no talking, just being there.

Thank you.

2008-08-04T23:22:00.002+08:00

Moving out... ?

Where should i go?

2008-07-31T14:10:00.001+08:00

argggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh....

i'm lovesick............................................

2008-07-26T11:12:00.002+08:00

"You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you."

There's some truth in this . Especially the "cold as ice on the ouside but hot as fire in the heart.."

haha...so real.

2008-07-23T17:21:00.003+08:00

I'm so bored...(at work)...not because i'm too free...but because everything is neverending.

You have fellow colleagues in China, organizing stupid summer courses out of the blue and expecting u to teach english at their beck and call. "can u go and fly kite...."

i want to migrate!!!!! (ok i've said that umpteen times)

i love holidays, yay. Since i can't migrate, i shall plan for more trips.

2008-07-19T11:18:00.003+08:00

ok, it's been a long time.

Work has taken a toil on me. Not gd. Pple in office think i'm God. And i can produce 3 man's work alone. That's not possible.

Many a times, learnt to depend on God's wisdom to make decisions. Pple are watching u, and one wrong comment, one wrong move, you look really stupid! Always have to pluck up courage to stand firm on what i think is the right way to go, sometimes, and most of the times, i find myself being challenged...thank God for his protection.

It doesn't help that my colleague is leavning, and she's the strongest link, now brace myself, to prepare for that last day.

My mum's complaining i'm fat, she doesn't nag nowadays, she scolds, as if it's a sin i better get out off immediately or i'll be chased out that kind...grrr..i know i'm fat..i'm already trying to lose weight.

Fighting for that rest, for that freedom and for that getaway...to the extent of plotting my holidays all the way till january already. 2009 Birthday for me will be a getaway with my 3 other bestest friends...my Partners-in-crime reunite! Yippeee! This time it's not a boat trip, it's gonna be far far in...(i dun tell u where...) haha.

Gotta make my way for my long awaited spa...it's gonna be a quarterly affair.

2008-05-10T08:33:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time. Many times i wanted to blog, but i just didn't have that good 15 min to sit down and just write.

It's been draining, but i thank God i that He taught me all abt balance. To do this kinda thing, u really need God's strength, and not just do whatever u think is right. Anyway, mind games are my forte, so i won't get pek chek playing them, but i will get angry immediately. So it doesn't really work on me.

i haven't been in a gd mood for days. It doesn't help esp when u dun get to relate yr feelings in a deeper manner, because if there is no output there is no input. The last few days happenings have really reminded me not to hold on to the things of this world because it is in these very things that u can never get yr security from.

Now, work is easy, nothing difficult, but it's my stay there that makes it very physically and emotionally draining, this is the test of it all, what i thought i was gd at - surviving in a very fast-paced, stressful environment.

Above all, i still thank God for his sustainence. He knows my thoughts, and that's where i find that release.

2008-04-14T22:46:00.004+08:00

Was having a nice chat with a gd friend in the car 2 days ago, was a gd time of verbal reflection of how God has changed me over the years..from not liking to eat alone, to being totally fine eating alone, from being uncomfortable with loneliness to simply embracing it now. I'm so secure.... haha.

Well...by God's grace.

i look around me and still see pple who yearn for that companionship beside them. Tried and tested. God blesses us with friendships but these friendships will never fill that space in our hearts because that's how God has created us to be.

"What's the point of looking gd outside when ur just simply an empty vessel inside? Stop chasing after the wind. It's time to just focus on Him. This should well be the end of your wild goose chase."

2008-04-02T23:23:00.002+08:00

SICK OF LIFE.

2008-03-12T08:43:00.006+08:00

Just a peek at Kampong Ubin

This is taken from a view opposite where we stayed..

Jetty

Have u ever seen anything as big as this? It was slightly more than a metre long. Yikes!

The one and only eating place

The lagoon and the big ball

2008-03-12T08:35:00.002+08:00

Some excepts from Psalm 89.......

"I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth i will make your faithfulness known through all generations. "

"I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself."

"The heaven praise your wonders, O Lord, your faithfulness too, in the assembly of the holy ones."

"In the council of the holy ones God is greatly feared; he is more awesome than all who surround him."

"Oh Lord God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O Lord, and your faithfulness surrounds you."

"The heaven are yours, and yours also the earth; you founded the world and all that is in it."

"My hand will sustain him; surely my arm will strengthen him."

2008-03-12T00:49:00.003+08:00

Into my 2nd week of work.....

i dunno wat to say...but my brain has been really packed to its max.

Someone asked me if i was 'ok', 'Yes, i'm ok'...but really i'm not.

i really need to put down everything and leave this place for a while..and just spend my life in total solitude.

People's expectations, work expectations, life's expectations...am i really made just to fulfill all these?

Someone told me, i'm so not "useful". Am i really made just to be "useful" to you?

Now where's God in all these?

2008-02-29T16:38:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was my last day, today's a breakie for me.

i officially start work on monday and really, i leave it in God's hands. I dunno what's the future is gonna be like. In fact, i think i know too much until i'm worried. Anyway, since He's brought me here, i trust that He'll give me wisdom on how to "zuo ren".

(Readers of my blog will not understand what i mean until u see the picture i see...)

Nevertheless i'm thankful.

Countdown: 2.5 more months to go..........

2008-02-25T00:19:00.001+08:00

24 February 2008

Happy Birthday to u..
You are born in the zoo..
With the swans and turtles.. (zoo got all these meh??)
And the ostriches too!

Happy birthday girl. =)

2008-02-22T23:54:00.004+08:00

A New Beginning. Well it's part and parcel of life. At least the wild goose chase is over. God has yet again proven Himself faithful. He's definitely won again this time round. Who could ever guess.. I'm happy to be out of depression.

Will disappear from the face of this earth from monday-wed. Don't bother me, i just need some solitude.....

and catch some worms.

I just wasted $800 on that stupid thing.

2008-02-19T18:05:00.003+08:00

I'm still feeling so so so sian. i can't wait for my trip to come in 3 months time. Maybe i'll go there and never want to return.

I officially am OUT of ACS end feb. i can't wait for it. My time there is up since that very day i handed in that letter.

2008-02-10T23:40:00.000+08:00

Geneva Crystal Collection 2008

So nice this watch...tell me you agree...

2008-02-10T01:02:00.000+08:00

This speaks of the unspeakable thoughts in my heart....Sometimes, words can't describe how i feel, but it doesn't mean i don't feel anything..

I Surrender All

I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command
But these castles I've constructed by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand
In the middle of the battle I believe I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory 'til I'm willing to lay down
All my weapons of defense and earthly strategies of war
So I'm laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours

I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrifice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain
So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown
And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay down
I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise

Everything I am, all I've done, and all I've known
Now belongs to You, the life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacraficial fire
If all I have is all that You desire
I surrender all

2008-02-09T23:31:00.001+08:00

Thanks guys...u2 were my answered prayer.

Can u really feel what i'm feeling? Where's that empathy? Connection?less.

2008-02-08T21:42:00.001+08:00

Sentosa Flowers 2008

Crazy!!! It was sosososososo crowded!!! Thought we'll only see pple who have nothing better to do during CNY, forgot there are other races in singapore too... It could get as crowded as Chinatown and Little India for that matter.....

Above: Her new toy... Obviously, i liked it and it liked me.

Above: Dear butterfly...what are u doing...?

Above: For the festive season, this colour was it!

Above: Who would have thought Esther would do such a thing!!! No la, she didn't..it was her bai nian 'gan'. =)

Here are some other examples of flowers we found there..........

2008-02-06T23:20:00.000+08:00

The White and Pink Flower...So pretty...

2008-02-04T12:15:00.000+08:00

This is IT. i leave my future in Your hands.

2008-02-03T01:54:00.000+08:00

WHAT IS LOVE?

Love is when someone spents enough time with u and works out together with you good decisions that are not just based on individual rights, beliefs or preferences, but being able to see you through a big microscope and embracing and considering all the factors that make up your life.~Elena

2008-02-03T01:02:00.000+08:00

1. Musicians and artistes are very different. How would u handle each of them?

Me: "Very different meh?? Aren't they all equally hard to handle????????"

2. If your artistes are unmotivated, how would u motivate them?

Me: (i gave quite an ok answer like giving them more responsibilities, letting them be lead artistes etc) but wah lao, they looked at me as if they expected more..

3. Do you know any of the famous artistes outside? Any connections with them?

Me: Only one (one of my colleagues who is the music director of Dim Sum Dollies), i was thinking to myself..is NAT HO counted?

More tough questions than these...it was truly a humbling experience..but well, God knows better that this is probably not it. Too Stressful. Eventually i'd probably suffer from nerve system breakdown and lung deficiency working for them.

2008-02-01T23:32:00.000+08:00

It's gone case. They gave me the most difficult questions that anyone could ever ask. Another 4 essay questions to do today. Anyway, it's over..it's time to MOVE ON. Well, at least i tried.

2008-01-29T01:49:00.000+08:00

*Pop Pop Pop!!* My face is popping pimples like nobody's business. i guess it's due to high level of stress and lack of rest. Sigh..i need some JOY.

2008-01-28T15:45:00.000+08:00

The Recruitment Process of an Army Job

Here is an overview of what may transpire for job applicants after being shortlisted:

1.Shortlisted from Application of Job
2.Psychometric testing - Our psychometric test ascertains your personality and cognitive skills. The latter includes abstract and verbal reasoning ability.
3. Interview(s)
4. Job preview - You will be introduced to your prospective work environment and detailed job responsibilities.
5. Offer and acceptance

This is really hard work, by the time u get to number 5, it'd seemed like u ran 10km..

2008-01-26T01:11:00.000+08:00

"I love u na and my reponsibility to take care of you will be lifelong. Till the day I die."

*Drip, drip, drip......*

"Thank you...." =)

2008-01-25T16:55:00.000+08:00

In these few days of emotional weakness, I've been doing some reflecting. Was telling someone, nowadays i find myself being able to cope with being alone much better than last time. In the past, if i didn't have company to eat, i'd rather go hungry all day than to eat alone. These days, i feel perfectly comfy eating alone, to the extent of even slowly savouring every bit of it. Thank God for this change. =)

I love taking things at a slower pace (guess i'm growing older) and i guess, life is meant to be lived out with great contentment and simplicity.

i love my hair..just that it's not short enough. =)

2008-01-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

Went to Pulau Ubin yesterday. Because of my stupid leg, i had to sit ard instead of riding bicycle. But i conquered three thai coconuts. (English students, pls do not learn my way of writing, starting sentences with "because" and "but"). i really enjoyed the boat trip to and fro. It was one of the best boat trips ever. Never felt so relaxed. i really love kampong life.

As i think about it, i really thank God for my legs that can walk. When i sprained my ankle, i never felt so helpless before and i was crying non-stop at the thought that i couldn't walk. Thank God for my legs....really.

2008-01-13T23:26:00.001+08:00

i finally can post up the photos i took last wk.

Glad u guys enjoyed the place today.

2008-01-12T10:33:00.000+08:00

Bye Bye, See you 2 weeks later....

Brother has finally grown up to be a big boy..Whoo!! Actually it's not that bad, army now is only 22 months. BMT only 2 months. i think there's just too many pple and tekong can't accomodate. Now my house is a all-girl house. But i am excited to see my brother really grow up. Let's see what 22 months will do to him.

Went to Handlebar again last night. Aiya, now there's GST implemented already. How cheapo. Food standard also dropped...oh wells. But it was a good night of laughter. It's a good thing i hang around with crazy pple, so i'm literally laughing at least 70% of the week...sometimes laughing at my own cheekiness too.

2008-01-08T14:59:00.000+08:00

DATE: 27 Feb 2008 Wed, 4pm
DURATION: Approx 60 mins
VENUE: Esplanade Concert Hall
TICKET PRICE: (Exclude Booking Fee) Standard - S$10

Anybody?

2008-01-08T14:30:00.000+08:00

Look at our new baby! So pretty!!! This just brings a smile to my face each time i see it. So bright! But i wonder how long this will last...haha..i hope it won't die so soon..in my hands..i should put a coin box outside my house and charge anyone who stops to admire it..hahaha.